Just For Jersey Folk

*** BTW: I did NOT wrote this. Whoever DID write this…is hysterical!! ***

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the New Jersey market:

Short Hills Barbie

This princess Barbie is sold only at the Short Hills Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

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“Scotch Plains Barbie’ Recently moved from Bayonne”

The wannabe modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. This empty headed Barbie thinks looks alone will make her happy. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Still goes back to Bayonne for Drs. appt, shopping, bakery, pizza, weddings, and funerals. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

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“Elizabeth Barbie”

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.

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“Summit/Mendham Barbie”

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Closeted Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.

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“Sussex County Barbie

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

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“Winfield Park Barbie”

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Linden Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

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“Ocean Grove Barbie”

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call herWillow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Cape May Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

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Long Branch Barbie

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

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Plainfield Barbie/Ken”

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

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Newark Barbie”

She just lookin’ for all three of her baby daddies. Set comes with baby Nieshia and baby Twanna.

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“Keansburg Barbie”

Look at the picture….need we say more? Pabst Blue Ribbon sold separately.

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Dexter

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I feel like I have spent the last few days cheating on my husband, Alec Baldwin. I seem to have found a new love/obsession with a serial killer named DEXTER.

This show hooked me within the first thirty seconds. After watching the complete Season One in non-stop marathon fashion it’s safe to say I am officially addicted. (And currently fearing all Ice Trucks in my immediate area.)

The flash back scenes involving Dexter as a child with his foster-father-police-officer are beyond intense. The way his father cultivates Dexter’s ‘Need To Kill’ is impressive to say a the least.

Based on Jeff Lindsay’s novels Darkly Dreaming Dexter and Dearly Devoted Dexter this crime thriller follows Dexter Morgan. Dexter is a forensic blood spatter expert for the Miami Dade Police Department. He is the main support for his sister. He has a steady girlfriend, with two kids who adore him. He also has an active “night life”. Based on a code instilled in him by his foster father, Harry, he hunts down people who have escaped justice and makes sure they don’t get away with a crime again”

Now, since I don’t subscribe to Showtime (shame on me) the only way I was ever going to be able to watch this show was waiting around for the next season on DVD’s.

I am thrilled my mother (who is also a HUGE FAN ) broke down and ordered SHOWTIME, just so we can watch this again. On Demand. wheeeeee.

Thanks Mom.

But for all of you out here still lacking  Showtime  or for whatever reason unable to buy the DVD, Dexter, is coming to CBS. I shit you not.

Debuting February 17th at 10:00 pm ET/PT.

However, I have NO IDEA how the network is going to pull this off. Dexter is a rather violent TV series with graphic language and nudity…all good things in my book, but I am afraid the show may loose some of its sharper edge in order to comply with network restrictions and time constraints?

Either way, with my favorites like House temporarily shut down (due to the writer’s strike), the never enough 30 minutes a week I am grated access to Alec & Tina on 30 Rock, and only American Idol left to fill my screen, it is SOFA KING nice to have discovered this treasure of series.

The Moment Of Truth

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Could you? Would you? Tell the truth for half a million dollars!! Even if telling the truth means you might get fired from your job or divorced from your spouse?

The Moment Of Truth. A New television show airing TONIGHT @ 9/8 C on Fox.

I am SO watching this.


“While contestants are strapped to a lie detector test, at a chance to win $500,000 participants have to tell the truth. Of course, the questions are easier when the stakes are low – but as the prize amount increases, they will be challenged to fess up to matters they might normally lie about. The touchier questions could be especially revealing because participants reveal their answers in front of spouses, relatives and friends, hanging on every word. What deep dark secret will someone divulge for hundreds of thousands of dollars?”

Lets Find Out!

Celebrity Apprentice

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Last night’s episode of The Celebrity Apprentice was AWESOME.

Why?

Because the ego maniac, and highly UNATTRACIVE (and quite bullheaded) Gene Simmons was rightfully BOOTED. I mean, how dumb can one person be? Donald Trump GAVE him the name of the woman that should have been fired. What did the ‘brianiac’ Gene Simmons do? He set her FREE. Nely Galan, who drove the Kodak executives absolutely UP THE WALL, never shut her mouth long enough to figure out WHAT THE CLIENT was looking for. I cannot believe she was excused from facing the Board Room. Not only did Gene MISS THE MARK COMPLETELY when it came to The Task, but he wasn’t bright enough to figure out how to save his own ass. He deserved to be FIRED on every conceivable level.

My FAVORITE part of last night’s episode? The ‘surprise’ guest appearance. My Husband, Alec Baldwin. Mmmm. The Baldwin Brothers are all fantastic and completely out of their minds, which of course makes them all the more attractive to me, however, Alec is the LOVE OF MY LIFE.

When Alec showed up to help support his brother Stephen my heart was a flutter. Alec was sofa king funny. He is so handsome, so adorable and hilarious. [insert swooning]. I hope and pray that Stephen Baldwin never gets fired. This way there is always the slim possibility of another Alec sighting.

Thursday’s Trivia: American Idol

Wow. Its been a LONG TIME since we’ve done a Trivia Game! In the spirit of 4 hours of American Idol over the last 2 days, I am thrilled to bring to you this weeks installment!

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Okay. You all know the drill, but, if you are new here, the rules are simple. Please put your answers in the comments section of the post and we will reveal the answers tomorrow. NOW POSTED!! No Cheating! I trust that all of you will all use the honor system? That means you will not use Google, (or any other internet searches) or mooch off other peoples answers. Cheating is bad…mkay!

*Todays Trivia Game has been brought to you by the one and only King of Trivia: Steve C., From: Dazd and Confuzed From Here:

1. In which season of “American Idol” did Jennifer Hudson compete?

Season 3

2. Simon told Carrie Underwood she would “win ‘American Idol’ and sell more records than any other idol”. What song did Carrie sing that night?

Alone
3. During season five, Ryan Seacrest removed her high-heels before she sang “Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing”. What was her name?

Mandisa

4. When did R.J. Helton compete?

Season 1
5. Clay Aiken competed in which season?

Season 26. When did Vanessa Olivarez compete in “American Idol?”

Season 27. Diana DeGarmo competed in which season?

Season 38. Which former contestant co-wrote the song “I Believe”, which was sung by the winner and runner-up at the grand finale of season 3?

Tamyra Gray

9. When did Jim Verraros compete?

Season 1
10. Paula often complimented this season two contestant’s “upper register”, especially with such songs as “Against All Odds” and “Drift Away”. What was his name

Corey Clark