*** BTW: I did NOT wrote this. Whoever DID write this…is hysterical!! ***
Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the
“Short Hills Barbie”
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Short Hills Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
The wannabe modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. This empty headed Barbie thinks looks alone will make her happy. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Still goes back to
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership.
“Sussex County Barbie“
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
“Winfield Park Barbie”
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Linden Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top.
“Ocean Grove Barbie”
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call herWillow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Cape May Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
She just lookin’ for all three of her baby daddies. Set comes with baby Nieshia and baby Twanna.
Look at the picture….need we say more? Pabst Blue Ribbon sold separately.