American Idol- Season Seven – Top Five

And here is what I thought of last night’s performances:

Last night the contestants sang music by: Neil Diamond. (Times Two.)

Who doesn’t *LOVE* at least One Neil Diamond song? C’mon! It’s okay. You can admit to it.

Anyway. On to the contestants (in no particular order).

Syesha Mercado:

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Song One: Hello. She FLOORED me with her voice. She sang that song pitch-perfect and beautifully. I honestly think she “owned” Round One.

Song Two: Thank The Lord For The Night Time. This time, I was not as impressed as I was with her first go at it. That performance was a little more hackneyed. Possibly a little too ‘Broadway’ for me. (But wait? Have you ever been to a Broadway Play? Yeah. You need some pretty powerful pipes to work that. So I think thats a compliment.)

—– —– —–

Jason Castro:

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-Was unfamiliar with any Neil Diamond songs. Um. Yeah. What? How is THAT even possible?

Song One: Honey Sweet. I was throughly unimpressed. It was boring, flat, and not entertaining At. All.

Song Two: Sepetember Morn (and again) he was boring, flat, and not entertaining At. All.

He had absolutely no charisma last night. It was as if he was simply going through the motions. Hmm…I think he might be in some danger of going home? *fingers crossed*

—– —— ——

David Cook:

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I always look forward to hearing the magical brilliance of David Cook. Undoubtedly he would bring something fantastic to the table in order to make Neil Diamond ‘fresh’ again. And he did NOT disappoint. David gave Neil the chills during the rehearsals.

Song One: I Am Alive. And of course, he rocked. No. It wasn’t his Best Song Ever…but it was pretty freaking awesome.

Song Two: All I Really Need Is You. That time he gave ME the chills. David Cook (hands down) “owned” Round Two.

—– —– —–

David Archuleta:

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Song One: Sweet Caroline. But, I think because I am sooooo used to the Neil Diamond version, it was a little hard for me to get into it. His performance also lacked the bar full of people singing in unison I am all too familiar with. I suppose its because without that sort of ‘back up’ I wasn’t as enamored with his performance as I usually am.

Song Two: They’re Coming To America. It’s not as if he was born to sing Neil Diamond covers. However, he really did a Great Job. Perfect Song Choice for him.

—– —— ——

Brooke White:

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Song One: I’m A Believer. After that disaster, I believe it is time for her to go. That was the WORST performance she has had all season long. She did a better job last week when she forgot the lyrics and had to start over.

Song Two: I am I Said. She does not have a strong enough for that song. Bad Choice. Bad Performance. Better than the first song….but um no. While I do like her behind the piano, I think I would like her more….Off The Show.

———–

So what was the best part of last night’s American Idol?

When Paula noticeably, seriously, in full blown train wreck fashion, F-U-C-K-E-D UP. Big. Time. And So Very Badly…ON LIVE TELEVISION, in front of millions of people.

Paula was giving a ‘review’ to a contestant about a song that he HADN’T SUNG YET.

(Yeah. Um. Now we already know that American Idol is a LIVE television show, and clearly the judges notes on what to say or how to critique the singers are written before hand. Obviously, if any of those papers happen to get mixed up and put back ‘out of the sequential order they are supposed to be in’ … Paula is screwed. She barely knows where she is at any given time. How is she supposed to figure out on her own where they are in the show?)

Man, I wish I had recorded that, just so I could re-live watching Ryan Secrest’s horrified facial expressions. His eyes screamed crazy desperation for someone to jump in and STOP her from speaking.

And then she made things even WORSE by trying to back peddle.

SIMON had no other choice came to her rescue, by changing the subject and asking her a simple direct question.

That was absolutely CLASSIC. Classic. And He-LAR-ious.

I will be spending the day Googling and searching The Internet. I am positive that someone, somewhere, has a video clip of that posted. I am on a mission to find it. And when I do, I promise, I will add it to the bottom of this post.

THIS LINK is a great re-cap of what went down!

Jim Gaffigan

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In keeping with the ‘humor theme‘ I have going on this week, I would love to share THIS VIDEO ABOUT HOLIDAYS with you, by one of my favorite clean-cut comedians. Jim Gaffigan. You will not be disappointed.

Warning: After watching that video you might end up spending a lot of time on the internet looking for more of his material. But since I am always looking out for my readers, here are a few other links:

Hot Pockets

I-Hop & Fruit Cake (hilarious)

Baby Mama – The Movie

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* Would you put your eggs…in this basket? *

Okay. The only reason I am even doing a “MOVIE REVIEW” can be found here.

Now. Let me start by saying I went to see this totally-super-awesome-crazy-funny-over-the-top-hilarious movie knowing full well that I am partial when it comes to ‘All Things’ Tina Fey. As far as I am concerned, watching still frames of her facial expressions on a continual loop would get a 5 Star rating.

That being said; to all of you non Tina Fey fans out here who may not agree with my ‘movie review’ all I can say is….“Suck It.”

And now, for my completely unbiased movie review.

First of all, did anyone reading this know that Steve Martin & Greg Kinnear had roles in this movie? Because I certainly did not. (I refused to Google or subject myself to any information about this movie other than the commercial advertisements on television.) I prefer the element of surprise. And it worked. Not knowing that information made for one hellova an added bonus. Not only did they ‘appear’ in the movie, they had pivotal roles.

Steve Martin (Rob) looked fantastic as the grey-long-haired-pony-tailed-new-age-corporate-mogul, owner of the company ‘Round Earth Food’. He was simply fabulous as Tina Fey’s eccentric boss. But after watching his character in action I promise to never Reward Someone for a job well done with a 5 solid minutes of unbreakable eye contact.

Greg Kinnear (Barry) played the role of an ex-lawyer gone Super Fruity Smoothie Juice Store owner taking a stand against ‘The Man’ (complete with naming one of his beverages after a knock-knock joke). Without giving too much away, he has quite an ‘interaction’ with Tina.

Tina Fey plays the lead roll of ‘Kate Holbrook’. A thirty-seven year old, single woman, career driven, Vice President, and childless. To fill the void in her life, she is forced to pay $100,0000.00 for a surrogate mother. Due to her T-shaped uterus, which, according to the ‘PC Guy’ from the Apple commercials, leaves her with a one in a million chance of ever becoming pregnant.

Amy Poehler plays the role of Angie. Not only does she agree to carry Kate’s fertilized eggs as the surrogate (and she is capable of reading people’s auras), she also ends up moving into Kate’s apartment. Having nowhere else to go, after leaving her white trash boyfriend.

Dax Shepard (Carl) is Angie’s white trash ex-boyfriend sporting two of the greatest license plates I have ever seen. The first is the declaration of his infinite love to his woman proven by the plate “MYGRLROX”. The second plate is basically my motto, stating “BRING IT” upon their first arrival to Kate’s apartment for the interview process.

Add Sigourney Weaver as (Chaffee Bicknell) the owner of the sort of creepy surrogacy service to this already terrific cast, and the laughs really come rolling in.

I have to say Romany Malco (Oscar) who plays the roll of Kate’s doorman, steals some of the comedy thunder right from Jump Street.

Now, I would hate for someone to have spoiled this movie for me, so I will NOT tell you the twist, turns, and the VERY Big Surprise(s) that happen during the course of this incredibly adorable flick.

You are just going to have to see the movie for yourself to find out what the hell I am talking about. (Or come back in a few weeks/months when the ‘secret’ has been leaked to the universe and we can talk about it in the comments then.)

In the meantime, I will tell you some of my favorite lines and scenes.

(If you didn’t see this movie (which I highly recommend) this part of my post will NOT make any sense to you. But…if you are one of the ‘Cool Kids’ and you did see this movie, please enjoy revisiting these fine moments.)

Some of my favorite quotes are as follows:

Angie (lover of all things fast food) is practically being force-fed ‘healthy pregnant food’ by Kate. Angie’s only rebuttal? Proclaiming, “Organic food is strictly for rich people who hate themselves.”

Kate is trying to teach Angie how everything she does affects the baby while the doorman (Oscar) is present during the ‘lecture.’

Kate: “What you eat, the baby eats. What you listen to, the baby listens to.”
Oscar: “If you listen to DMX, the baby comes out goin’ “Ennngghhh!”

Angie is in court (for reasons I will not disclose) when she announces, “I have the freedom of speech, look it up…it’s in that thing…”

When Angie is in labor she screams, “Drugs! I need Drugs! This feels like I am shitting KNIVES!”

Angie’s water breaks in the middle of the street. Kate grabs her ready to make a dash to the hospital. Angie turns to Kate and says, “Wait, should we clean that up?” (Pointing to the puddle she left curbside.)

I now know the definition of the term ‘Manorexic’ really means a gay man who is afraid of ending up with two fatties.

I also know that should I ever become pregnant and have another child, I will need the baby stroller with side impact Air Bags. Just to be on the safe side.

And, that if I was ever to break up with a man like Carl, I would need to “Consider All Of My Friends Getting Banged By Him.”

Some of my favorite scenes are as follows:

The Interview.
(When Angie & Carl show up at Kate’s apartment). The truck alone they are driving is hilarious. Angie & Carl execute the perfect stereotypical W.T. behavior and lingo while Kate is left following them around her gorgeous home while placing coasters underneath all of the beverages being haphazardly placed on her fine hard wood surfaces.

The Prenatal Vitamin Scene.
After numerous attempts to get Angie to take her pre-natal vitamins, Kate resorts to drastic measures. Much like humans trying to get their dogs to swallow medications.

The Shower Scene.
Yes people! There is a ‘shower scene’ featuring both Angie (Amy) & Kate (Tina). I am sorry I cannot reveal any more intimate details about that. (Except that there is also hair dye involved.)

The Karaoke Revolution ‘American Idol Edition’ Scene.
Let’s just say Kate should not sing under any circumstances, ever, again. However, when she is paired up with Angie to sing ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ I just about fell out of my chair.

Gone Clubbing Scene.
Angie is afraid to tell Kate some news. In order to soften the blow Angie decides to take Kate out to a club and get her drunk. Indeed Kate becomes plastered and proceeds to ‘dance’ a ‘jig’ in super slow motion dead center of the club while dressed like a hooker.

(Watching a drunken Tina Fey ‘Bust A Move’ on the giant silver screen? Priceless.)

Before Kate runs into her ex-boyfriend in the club, she convinces the DJ to give her an opportunity at the turntables. You will never guess what song she chose to blast over the speakers.

After Kate runs into her ex-boyfriend, we find out that he is the proud father of THREE (and she cant have babies) with a smoking hot wife, and had suffered a serious bicycle accident which left him … a Larger Penis.

Finally, after exiting the club, Angie, proceeds to inflict some irreversible damage upon Kate’s ex-boyfriends car. When all Kate wanted to do was, “Leave A Silly Note”.

Kate’s ‘Space’ Car Scene.
We’ve all been there. You know what happens when you are the passenger trying to get in or out of a car that you are unfamiliar with? Inevitably you land in the bad timing tug of war pulling on the door handle at the same time the driver is trying to unlock the vehicle for you. Except these two brought that scene to a whole new level.

The Court House.
I can’t tell you why they were there and I can’t tell you what happened when they were there. But, I can tell you THAT was one of my FAVORITE parts of the entire movie.

The Hospital Scene.
Aside from feeling like she was “Shitting Knives” Angie begins to grab hold of the IV attached to any other patient (dead or alive) begging to have that injected into her.

The baby name is yet another tidbit I am going to withhold from you. The reasoning behind the baby’s name? HYSTERICAL.

There are so many other good scenes and so many other great lines. I am sure I have missed some of those quotes this post. And, I am sure that I missed tons while watching the movie because I was still laughing at the previous scene or line.

Yep.

I am going to watch this movie again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

I am rushing out to get my bootlegged copy add my name to the waiting list for pre-ordering the DVD.

Okay Ya’ll.

That’s my review.

How many of you saw it? What was YOUR favorite quote / line / scene / character?

And, if you didn’t see it … are you planning on it?

Movie Talk.

We never really get into movies over here, after all this is a blog about TV. The only time I make an exception is when one of my favorite TV stars is going to be IN a movie. And that just happens to be the case today.

Any of my long time readers already know that Tina Fey is my hero. My female role model. My freaking idol. I simply can’t get enough of her with 30 Rock and SNL re-runs. I wish there was an “All Tina All The Time” Channel. Or Tina ‘On Demand’. Now that would be awesomeness. But, since that isn’t going to happen any time soon, at least I can look forward to seeing her on the GIANT silver screen.

Tina Fey has teamed up Amy Poehler for the movie:

Baby Mama.

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(Official Website Here)

About The Movie:

Successful and single businesswoman Kate Holbrook has long put her career ahead of a personal life. Now 37, she’s finally determined to have a kid on her own. But her plan is thrown a curve ball after she discovers she has only a million-to-one chance of getting pregnant. Undaunted, the driven Kate allows South Philly working girl Angie Ostrowiski to become her unlikely surrogate. Simple enough … After learning from the steely head of their surrogacy center that Angie is pregnant, Kate goes into precision nesting mode: reading childcare books, baby-proofing the apartment and researching top pre-schools. But the executive’s well-organized strategy is turned upside down when her Baby Mama shows up at her doorstep with no place to live. An unstoppable force meets an immovable object as structured Kate tries to turn vibrant Angie into the perfect expectant mom. In a battle of wills, they will struggle their way through preparation for the baby’s arrival. And in the middle of this tug-of-war, they’ll discover two kinds of family: the one you’re born to and the one you make.

If you aren’t already laughing watch the Official Movie Trailer **HERE **

In theatres TONIGHT – April 25th.

I am so excited about going to see This Movie I can barely contain myself.

Groovy TV

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Ah yes. The Glory Days of ‘Groovy’ Television. Don’t you remember way back when the world seemed so much simpler? How much did you (or still do) love all that the 70’s had to offer as far as TV programming? As much as this guy?

If you did, then I would like to take a moment and direct your attention to This Ultra-Super-Fly-Far-Out Post. I couldn’t have written this any better if I tried.

Excerpt:

Being yanked from the warmth of my mother’s womb and placed into the cold harshness that was the last week of 1973 (I’m thinking of starting a novel using that last sentence, but wanted to try it out here first), I don’t remember a lot about 70s TV as it was happening. I did however grow up on 70s reruns. Lots of them. In fact, by the time this post is over, you may well think I grew up on too many 70s reruns…

Read the complete post HERE.

Thank me later.

American Idol- Season Seven – Top Six

And here is what I thought of last night’s performances:

Last night the contestants sang music by: Andrew Lloyd Weber. A highly successful British composer of musical theatre.

Anyway. On to the contestants….(in no particular order.)

Syesha Mercado:

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Damn it. I missed her performance. She opened lasts nights show. I have No Idea how my girl did. SOME ONE has to tell me!! Please!

Jason Castro:

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Sang ‘Memories’ from the play Cats. It was little weak. (to speak kindly). It may have been just a poor song choice for him. Clearly, he is NOT one of the strongest singers, nor do I see him lasting too much longer on AI. In fact he may be in danger of getting booted this week. But his performance wasn’t as awful as the judges implied.

David Cook:

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Sang The Music Of The Night from Phantom Of The Opera. Okay, that’s it. I am officially swooning. I heard a whole new timber to his voice. I saw yet another side of David, and just how talented he is. Which in turn has only made me fall even harder for this cat. Once again, he has taken a song that I know and love to a whole new level. AMAZING.

Carly Smithson:

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Sang the theme for Jesus Christ Superstar. ( I LOVE THAT PLAY) So, yes, I am incredibly biased. I am used to a very specific sound attached to that song. She looked FABULOUS. In fact, for the first time all season, I thought she really looked comfortable on the stage, and actually had a good time with it. It may not have been her best performance ever, but she did one hell of a good job.

David Archuleta:

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Sang Think Of Me from the famed Phantom Of The Opera. That said….could he BE more amazing? Um. No. I don’t know any other 17 year old that can or will ever be able to give me chills the way his voice does. So What if his eyes are “closed” when he sings. He is un-freaking-believable.

Sorry Simon. You are waaaaaay off with your assessment.

Brooke White:

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Yep. Still Crazy. And Annoying Me. She sang You Must Love Me a song by Madonna from the 1996 soundtrack to the film Evita.

Oh Snap! She screwed up the words within the first 5 seconds….And had to START OVER. (Which I think was a very brave thing to do. And The Right Thing To Do.)

I never saw that happen on AI.

Anywhoo, when she pulled herself together (and this PAINS ME TO ADMIT). The girl pulled it off.

Okay….people. Talk to me. What did you think of the contestants last night? And who should go home?

SNL-The Best Of Chris Farley!!!

No way! NO WAY!!

And Hell Yes.

I am jumping up and down. (I may even be singing the Ren & Stimpy song ‘Happy Happy Joy Joy‘ out loud and on the top of my lungs.) I don’t think I have been this excited to watch any episode of SNL in years!

After American Idol, I will be racing over to NBC (at 9pm) to bask in the glory and relive moments of The Best of Chris Farley.

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And while yes, this is available on DVD, (I think I even own it) there is something about being surprised by this event which makes it all the more totally-awesome-super-cool-special. This was like getting am unexpected present!

What Is On TV Tonight?

Now that we have reached the Season Finale of Canterbury’s Law and New Amsterdam, I haven’t a clue as to what is ‘Good TV‘ for this Monday night. As I flipped through my channel guide, apparently I have two options.

1. Dancing With The Stars which I haven’t really gotten into. I am more of a “So You Think You Can Dance” kinda chick. (I cannot wait for that season premiere: Thursday May 22 8/7c on Fox)

or

2. Deal Or No Deal, which I have a hard time following because anything that involves any sort of numbers practically makes me black out. I guess I don’t really understand the concept of the game.

As far as Game Shows are concerned I am more of a ‘Price Is Right‘ circa 1982 kind of girl. And let’s not forget the worlds greatest Game Show EVER. Match Game. Oh how I miss the days of Gene Rayburn.

So. There you have it. On the one night I could really use some mind numbing TV (after my 1st day back to work in 4 weeks) I am SOL when it comes to any viable choices.

Looks like its going to be an On Demand night. Unless you have any suggestions?