I am partial when it comes to ‘All Things’ Tina Fey. Because as far as I am concerned, I could watching still frames of her facial expressions on a continual loop and laugh all day. She’s smart. She’s beautiful. She’s hilarious. She’s cutting edge. She is totally-super-awesome.
And, she is my hero.
I’ve loved her since she started working on SNL.
She was ‘The First Woman’ in the history of Saturday Night Live to be promoted to the position of head writer in 1999.
And of course she was absolutely brilliant when she played the role of Sarah Palin.
I also think Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are The Female Dream Team of Comedy, because they had me laughing for Two Whole Hours during this movie.
I have to say, that my FAVORITE role that Tina Fey plays? Has to be Liz Lemon.
[The role of Liz Lemon, head writer for a challenging live TV show and extreme introvert, played by Tina Fey, delivers non-stop uber relatable content to the viewer. Liz Lemon is a frustrated single woman, lacking in social skills. She tries to get the best out of her fellow writers and support the insane cast of actors, all while trying to appease her boss, a meddling pain in the neck network executive, Jack Donaghy, played by Alec Baldwin. Tina Fey displays her smart comedic genius in every episode. You are guaranteed to fall in love with her and the character Liz Lemon.]
So, in light of the fact that today is my favorite female’s birthday, I am going to re-post two stories of my own.
[I am in NO WAY comparing myself to Tina Fey, or her character Liz Lemon, but, I am re-posting these blogs because my friends have often referred to these particular stories as my very own Liz Lemon ‘Moments’ . And I would like to honor my idol Tina Fey.]
* The First Story: The Black Out
With winds gusting in excess of 80 MPH and a terenchal deluge (rainfall: 75 inches of water in less than 15 seconds) a ‘Black Out’ was inevitable. However, being separated from my family and trapped in someone else’s house was not a favorable condition.
First of all, I am a baby. I am not ashamed to admit that I am scared of the dark. And I am a big ole crybaby when it comes to driving during inclement weather. (Or I would have driven home.) But for the reason that I have neglected my ‘best friend’ for at least a month, I would have never been in the situation I am about to discuss.
When you are in a house that does NOT belong to you and yours, in the middle of a black out, and you don’t know where anything is, coupled with an alarm that would not stop ringing sirens, and a dog that would not stop whimpering, it is not exactly a good idea to try and use the bathroom.
Unfortunately for me, I had the urgent ‘gotta go-gotta, go-gotta go right now’ kinda feeling with no clue as to when the house would be illuminated again.
If you add up all of the aforementioned conditions, you can only imagine the kind of disorientation and sweating I started to experience. Disorientation may induce bad decisions, like not asking the host if you can take a candle with you. Instead, I went in to the restroom blindly.
It wasn’t too hard to locate the actual ‘bowl’ but it was a little more difficult to find the ‘paper’. I used my hands to feel around the wall in hopes of not falling off of the bowl. After I did find the paper, I was met with the biggest challenge. Starting a new roll. In the pitch black. This particular roll did not have the little starter flap of paper for one to pull from. No. This roll was sealed shut solid all the way around.
What is a person to do?
1. Claw at the roll violently.
2. Attack the paper until you rip enough to create streamers.
3. Discard the streamers in the area where you presume the trashcan is located.
4. Proceed to dispense a normal amount of paper to finish your reason for being in there.
5. Apologize for the mess you made *later.
*Later = when the lights come back on, and the bathroom looks like this.
(minus Michael Keaton and the small children.)
Do not put off seeing your friends until the last minuet. This way you don’t have to go see them on a day wherein you have been forewarned about the bad weather that is on the horizon.
Or, simply ask for a source of light.
* The Second Story: Lesson Learnt
Never leave my house without my digital camera ever again.
Even if my camera was old and broken. Even if 9 times out of 10 the picture comes out blurry. And even if my camera used batteries like a prostitute uses condoms. It still would have been really handy to have in my possession when I saw Sanjaya shopping at my local CVS.
Oh alright, so it wasn’t Sanjaya. And, for the record, I don’t even like Sanjaya. Not.Even.A.Little. But I did frantically search my purse for said crappy digital camera when the Sanjaya look-a-like-could-have-been-practically-identical-twin strolled into the store.
After shoving my hand violently around my gigantic purse for a solid 8 minuets, I still couldn’t locate my camera. That’s when I realized I had left it at home to download other photos.
As I wondered aimlessly into the parking lot, I was lost in deep thought about how funny that post would have been. I was disappointed for missing the perfect opportunity to hold a ‘Spontaneous’ Sanjaya look a like contest.
Distracted, preoccupied, and contemplating the words I would have used in my ‘almost post’ I began unloading the bags from my shopping cart into THE WRONG CAR.
I was too busy cussing myself out for being ill prepared, that I wasn’t even aware I was putting my bags, into someone else’s car.
(Because, you know, Hyundai’s and Nissan’s look so much alike. Right?)
The only clue to the situation I had gotten myself into was how clean the back seat of the wrong car was. The back seat of my car is filled with empty coffee cups, cigarette packs, 15 pairs of shoes…all of which I did not see as I was neatly placing bags into… ‘The Wrong Car’.
First I panicked. Then I rapidly scanned the parking lot for any onlooker, or the possible owner of the car. Thankfully no one saw me as I quickly removed the bags…and thankfully I wasn’t busted.
There may be a celebrity look a like at any given time, in any given store. Never leave my house without my digital camera ever again. I might end up in jail for a really embarrassing misunderstanding, one that infers to unlawful entry or even burglary.
Happy 40th Birthday Tina Fey, Liz Lemon.